Oh great and terrible rabbit, what is your favourite way to spend Easter?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING, KIND PEASANT. ON BRIGHT, SUNNY EASTER MORNINGS, SUCH AS TODAY, MY OLD FRIEND TIM THE ENCHANTER AND I LIKE TO GET TOGETHER FOR A DELICIOUS BRUNCH. HE HAS EGGS—SCRAMBLED, OF COURSE—WHILE I PREFER TO NIBBLE ON THE LEFT FOREARM OF AN ENGLISH KNIGHT THAT STRAYED TOO CLOSE TO MY CAVE THE NIGHT PREVIOUS.
AFTER BRUNCH, TIM THE ENCHANTER AND I PART WAYS—HE HAS A FAMILY, YOU KNOW—AND I SPEND MOST OF THE DAY HOPPING AROUND THE ENTRANCE TO THE CAVE AT CAERBANNOG, PICKING UP THE FANCIFUL EGGS LITTERED AROUND THE MANY BONES OF THE FALLEN THAT MAKE UP MY FRONT YARD.
ON MOST EASTERS, I AM EVER FORTUNATE, AND THE FRENCH KNIGHTS CATAPULT A LARGE STEER OVER, ON WHICH I FEAST UNTIL MORN.
…And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.” And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu… [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to “skip a bit, brother”]… And the LORD spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.